


Beyond Repair

by LuckyDuck49



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Christopher is The Worst, Comfort, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt, angsty angst, season 6 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25924834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyDuck49/pseuds/LuckyDuck49
Summary: Set in the last episode of Season 6, right after the infamous ultimatum. Lorelai’s POV. She goes to Christopher, but rejects his advances (or, at least, she tries). Get your tissues folks, we’re goin on an angst trip.
Relationships: Lorelai Gilmore/Christopher Hayden, Luke Danes/Lorelai Gilmore
Kudos: 30





	1. I am Damaged, Far Too Damaged

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’all! I know I should be working on my other WIP rn, Right in Front of Ya, but that was too fluffy for my current mood. This one will be shorter, and a helluva lot angstier. So buckle up! Lol I wrote this speed-demon style, so I’ll get back to the other one soon, don’t worry :) Enjoy the angst!

Lorelai felt hollow inside. The street was cold as she walked home, refusing to look back. Tears stung at her eyes as she imagined Luke watching her leave. Watching her leave  _ him _ .

She had said it was now or never and he had made his choice. Never had never hurt her this much. 

Lorelai had seen this coming for months, seen him pulling away from her. She knew he tended to keep most people at arm’s length, but she had never considered herself to be ‘most people’. Maybe she had been wrong.

Maybe she had been wrong to think that she meant _anything_ to him at all. Part of her knew that wasn’t true, but the words felt like a knife to her chest, the pain ringing out in her body, hurting most of all because even though they weren’t right, they weren’t exactly wrong either. 

_Luke didn’t want to get married. He didn’t want her in his life_. He had put up his walls and turned his back, forcing her to finally let go of the bumper. 

He didn’t even trust her with his kid. Lorelai had loved the birthday party, because it had finally been a breakthrough! Like maybe, just maybe, she could be involved! Maybe now he would let her back in, and they would be partners again. God, how stupid she was to think that even for a second.

And it wasn’t just that. Luke was never around anymore. And even when he was, he was rarely in the moment. They had planned to move in together, but less and less of his stuff was appearing in their house. They spent more nights apart than they had when they were dating. Hell, she had seen more of Luke when they were just friends!

_ I guess the real me wasn’t good enough for him, _ Lorelai thought bitterly, hating herself.  _ I wonder why he let me believe he was all in. _

All in.  **All in.** **_All in._ **

God dammit, why couldn’t he have stayed the same man who had said that to her a lifetime ago?!

The sweet, strong, sarcastic man who bickered with her over coffee in the morning, who helped out around the house he didn’t own, and who saved a scribbled scrap of paper for almost a decade, just because it came from her.

_ Why couldn’t he have stayed the same? Why couldn’t he stay with her, through the good times and bad? Why couldn’t he tell the difference between the two? When had he stopped seeing her for who she really was? _

Lorelai swiped at her eyes as she crossed the street and made it to her front porch.

_ Who would even want to be married to her, anyway? She was worthless. She couldn’t even make it home without crying. _

Lorelai closed the door behind her and slid to the floor. She had done it. She had FINALLY screwed it up. This was it. This was Lorelai Gilmore’s breaking point. And for once, she didn’t have a single person to help her through it.

Luke was out of the question. Her heart ached to run to him, for him to hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. But that wouldn’t happen. He had let her walk away. _It was over._

She let out a good sob, wiped away the tears, and kept thinking, her chin resting on her curled up knees.

Sookie was her next choice, but she had already crashed at her place last night, and she didn’t want to be a burden. Sookie was a good friend, but she would try and convince Lorelai that she had a chance, and right now, Lorelai just needed to move on.

Plus, it hurt more than anything to be in the Belleville house right now. Sookie and Jackson, happy and in love, caring for their wonderful kids and living the life Lorelai so desperately wanted. So Sookie was out. 

Rory was out too; she would make Lorelai feel even worse, despite her daughter’s good intentions. No, she needed someone who could understand. Someone who was as screwed up as she was, who would listen and understand. Only one name came to mind.

_Christopher_.

Lorelai picked up the phone, and without thinking it totally through, called his number. He answered on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi Chris, it’s me. Lorelai, I mean.”

“Oh hey, long time no see!”

“Yeah.”

Christopher paused on the other end. He seemed to be taking note of her tremulous voice and monosyllabic nature. “Lor, is everything alright?”

“Yes,” she answered automatically, “I mean, no, it’s not.”

She took a shaky breath. “I’ve just.. been going through some things. I need someone to.. talk to. Can.. can I come over?”

He paused. “Can’t you just talk to Lu—”

She cut him off as fast as she could. “NO!” Lorelai dialed it back a bit, took another breath, and continued. “Just.. no. I— Remember when Straub died?”

“Yeah,” Christopher said dryly, “I remember.”

“How you just needed someone who.. understood? Well, I really need that right now.”

There was a weighted silence on the other end. Christopher broke it before Lorelai could apologize, hang up, and have a mental breakdown.

“Of course you can come, Lor. I’m here for you.”

“Thank you,” she breathed into the phone, willing herself not to cry. 

“Anytime. See you soon,” he said. The line went dead. 

Lorelai pressed her fingertips against her eyelids and groaned. She really needed someone to talk to. She really needed to get out all the words she’d kept bottled up for months on end. 

Hopefully Christopher would be willing to listen. Hopefully he would be okay with news of the breakup. 

Lorelai redid her makeup, and took a moment to breathe. _In, out. In, out_. Things would be okay. She would survive. Christopher was never ‘there for her’, at least not all time, but maybe tonight would be enough. Who knows, she might not actually want to kill herself afterwards! 

She pushed off of the wall she had been leaning on, grabbed her purse, and locked the door behind her. As much as it hurt, she and Luke were through. 

Now she could move on with the help of a friend, someone who knew what it was like to screw things up beyond repair. She turned the keys in the ignition, and drove off into the night, to find comfort in Christopher Hayden, of all people. 

_Who would’ve guessed it?_ And who would’ve guessed that drive over there would turn out to be one of the biggest mistakes of Lorelai Gilmore’s rock bottom life.


	2. Drown your Sorrows, my Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorelai arrives at Christophers and they share a bottle of Tequila. They talk, but something’s a little off..

Lorelai knocked on Christopher’s door about ten minutes later. He opened it a few seconds after she knocked, like he had been waiting for her in the other room. With a cautious, sideways smile, he let her in. She sat down on the sofa and pulled her sweater tighter around her shoulders, suddenly self-conscious.

Lorelai knew she looked like shit. Despite her redoing her makeup, smears of mascara still outlined her eyes, making her look like a melancholy raccoon. She couldn’t bring herself to smile. 

“So..,” Christopher said, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, “What did you wanna talk about?”

“Is Gigi here?” Lorelai asked abruptly. 

“Uh, no, she’s at the sitter’s place. I figured you might want a little privacy.”

She nodded, and looked up at him from the sofa. “Do you have anything to drink, by any chance?”

His eyebrows raised and he nodded, understanding dawning on him. “Ahh, you want the full wallow-treatment!” He said, walking to the kitchen area, “Well you’re in luck! Gotta a bottle of Tequila with your name on it!”

She almost laughed. “We’re going full-on Straub-treatment, huh?”

“Yup,” Christopher affirmed, walking back in with the bottle and a few shot glasses stacked precariously in one hand.

“Whatever happened, Lorelai, it must’ve hit you pretty hard. You’re.. not the type to want to wallow out of the blue.”

She scoffed. “Is ANYONE really the type to wallow for no reason?”

He shrugged and took a drink. A quick grimace at the flavor sharpened to his patented-Christopher grin around the edges, before he passed her the bottle. She wiped it off, took a small sip, and got back to answering his question. 

“Yeah, something.. it was bad.” Her voice cracked like faulty stairs under her, threatening to let her free-fall back into breakdown-mode. 

“I really screwed it up this time,” she choked out, a tear escaping from the corner of one eye. 

“Shh, shh,” Christopher soothed, putting his hand on her back and rubbing small circles. Luke used to do that. The thought of him made three more tears escape with their brother. 

“Heyyy,” the man who was not Luke said, in a soft voice that made her feel even smaller, “It’s okay. It’s okay. Just.. talk, alright? It’s good to get it out.”

She sniveled, and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “Okay,” Lorelai whispered, her voice broken with the weight of what had happened. “Okay. I’ll talk.”

“Good,” Christopher said, “and while you do that, we can drown our sorrows in the only clear liquid worth a damn!” 

He grinned at her, obviously trying to make her laugh. She smiled weakly back. This was the Christopher she had been wanting to see. The fun-loving teenager who got into trouble, the one with a sideways smile and mischievous glint in his eye. The one who could make her forget. 

She took a gulp of Tequila, and started from the beginning. 

* * *

“That man,” Christopher laughed, his words swirling together in his mouth, “is an idiot!”

Lorelai laughed, though she knew it wasn’t really funny.

“And why is that?” She said teasingly, leaning over the couch to poke Christopher in the stomach. 

The man was four shots ahead of her, turning the corner on tipsy and going straight for drunk. She was still just lightly buzzed, having nursed her drink for the better part of an hour.

He grinned at her.

“He.. he is an idiot! Luke— Luke is an idiot!”

She snorted. “He is not an idiot! He is.. he’s just slow to process!”

“Noooooo, he’s just slow in general,” Christopher said, laughing too hard.

“Hey now,” Lorelai said, sobering up a degree, “don’t say that. He’s a good guy, he really is. Or, was, anyway.”

“SEE!” Christopher said, point a finger at her until it touched her nose and she giggled drunkenly, “Thas what I mean! He.. USED to be a good guy. Then he got stupid! Stupid, stupid!”

“Uh, wrong!” Lorelai said, swatting his hand away, slightly offended on Luke’s behalf (though she didn’t know why), “he’s just not.. fast to process things! He’s still smart. He.. fixes stuff. Runs a business.”

“Nuhnuhunuh,” Christopher slurred, “thas nah what I’m talkin about. He’s stupid.. because he let you go!”

“Cheers to that,” Lorelai muttered bitterly.

“‘M serious, Lorelai!”

“No Chris, you’re drunk.”

He looked at her, then laughed again. “Yea, but ‘m still... still know that NO MAN in his RIGHT MIND should ever, _EVER,_ let you go.”

She smiled genuinely, and ducked her head. _How long had it been since she had received a genuine compliment? Too long_ , her buzzed brain decided.

“Thanks,” she said, smiling at him without the pain of falsehood that her smiles had seemed to be plagued with in the last few months. “But Luke’s still not an idiot.”

Chris stopped smiling and looked at her appraisingly. “I thought..,” he said, “I thought you two had— had broken up.”

Well, that felt like a slap in the face. Her smile shriveled up and died as Lorelai looked down at her drink. The tears were there, but they didn’t fall.

“Oh. I’m… ‘m sorry, Lorelai,” Christopher mumbled, “I just thought you hated him or somethin’..”

“I don’t hate Luke!” She gasped. Christopher’s hands shot up in a placating gesture, and she turned away, taking a long sip from her drink.

“From the way you.. you talking ‘bout him..,” he said, also raising the glass to his lips, “It just seemed like.. you didn’t like him vuurrrrry much…”

Lorelai let out a noncommittal “mm,” and turned back to her drink.

“I mean, I get it Lorelai, I really do.”

She looked over to Christopher, who was moving closer to her on the couch. She tilted her head at him, wondering what he was up to now.

“I’ve been there Lor.. I’ve been hurt bad too…” 

He was right up close to her now, close enough for her to smell his cologne and tequila mixing together in an unappetizing way around his face and neck.

“Lorelai,” he said, never taking his eyes off her, “I would never hurt you like that.”

He laid a warm hand over her thigh, and the mood of the room started to shift. Warning bells started going off in Lorelai’s half-sober mind. This was not how the night was supposed to go. 


	3. Frying Pan, meet Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where it gets into the rating. Christopher is the worst. Angst all the way.

“Chris…,” Lorelai whispered, not really knowing why she kept her voice low, “what are you doing?”

“What.. does it look like ‘m doin?” He murmured, his eyes drifting to a close. He leaned forward until his cheek brushed hers. “Mmm, you smell sooo good..”

She pushed him away, laughing awkwardly. “Chris… stop.”

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled. She could practically FEEL the alcohol drifting off his skin in waves. He pushed his lips against her neck and Lorelai leaped from the couch.

“CHRISTOPHER,” she yelped, red in the face and mortified at him, “I’M ENGAGED!”

“No you’re not!” He reminded her with a harsh laugh, following her up from the couch. “You ended it, remember?”

Lorelai felt herself breathe in sharply. He was right. She had ended it with Luke. The ring on her finger meant nothing now. So _of course_ Christopher thought she would come running back to him. She bit her lip, trying not to cry. God, she was _so stupid_ to think that they might be.. friends? She didn’t even know what she was thinking anymore.

She hugged herself and looked away. This was wrong. It was all wrong.

“And,” Christopher said, softly, testing the waters, “that means.. there’s no reason we shouldn’t be.. we shouldn’t be a ‘we’.”

“Yes, there is,” she shot back, angry and hurt that she had trusted him. 

“I JUST got out of a relationship Chris! And I don’t.. just— just DON’T, Christopher!”

He grinned sideways, but instead of looking familiar and comforting, it looked almost predatory. He advanced forward slowly, looking at her in a way that made her wish her dress was a little less revealing.

“C’mon, Lorelai,” he chuckled huskily, “You know you want it.”

“I really, _really_ don’t,” Lorelai said, trying and failing to produce a smile that was anything but fearful.

He kissed her then, cupping her face in both hands and pulling her roughly into him. She shoved him away, horrified.

“CHRIS— STOP IT.” He tried to say something, but she held up a hand and backed her way to the door. “No. Stop it. I’m leaving now, so, yeah. Goodbye.”

Lorelai tried to turn around, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her into him, wrapping her up in a suffocating embrace, kissing her sloppily on the mouth. She tore her face away and slapped him, _hard_.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” She yelled.

He growled and shook off the pain. “What’s wrong with me!?” He yelled back, “What’s wrong with _you_?!” 

She tried to leave, but he grabbed her hands. He glared at her with a fierce fixation, lust and rage swirling together in his once-kind eyes.

“You waltz in here in that dress, fresh off a breakup, get me drunk, then act like you don’t want this as much as me!!”

“That’s because I don’t!” She screamed, trying to wrench her arms away from him. In all their time together, Chris had never physically hurt her. But now… _she needed to get out of there._

Christopher yelled in frustration, and pinned her against the door. Covering her mouth with his own, he kissed her roughly, over and over again, biting her lip and drawing blood.

She pushed him away as hard as she could, but he held her arms behind her, against the door, with one hand. He groped her breast with the other, hard enough to bruise. 

He moved down to her neck, kissing and biting at the skin. She screamed for help, for him to stop, for please god stop this, but he didn’t listen. Instead he pressed her even harder against the door with his hips, grinding himself against her. 

“You’re so goddamn sexy,” he growled in her ear as she was taking a breath. “I want you. And I know you want this too.”

Lorelai didn’t know when she had started to cry. The sobs shook her body as Christopher groaned against her, pressing her body against his. She could feel him pressed against her hip, feel his sloppy fingers undoing her dress, feel the last shred of human dignity slip away from her.

The dress fell to the ground around her feet, still clad in those cute high heels she had found on sale. She knew she would never wear them again after this.

Christopher bit her ear, and stifled her scream with the palm of his hand. When she choked on her own spit, gasping for air, he relented, moving his hand away. He moved his hand downwards, slipping under her panties and groping blindly between her thighs.

She sobbed and tried to form a thought, a plan, anything to get her out of there. He thrust against her, and she screamed again, turning her hips away from his and writhing to get free. Christopher gripped her wrists tightly, not letting go.

He kissed her again and again, teeth scraping against her neck, jaw, and collarbone. Then he moved back, still holding her wrists, to undo his pants with one hand. If that happened, it would all be over. She couldn’t let that happen.

With one swift motion, she kicked him in the groin as hard as she could. He fell to his knees and groaned, bowing his head in pain. As soon as he let go of her, Lorelai grabbed her dress, turned the doorknob, and fled down the hallway. 

She slapped the elevator button over and over again, praying through the tears that it would open before Christopher’s door did. The mechanical doors slid open, and she jumped inside, pressing the ‘close’ button with equal desperation. 

Chris’ door didn’t open again. The elevator doors slid closed. She was okay. She was okay. It was okay. It _would be_ okay.


	4. Catching my Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorelai goes through the rest of the night in a daze. She knows she has to face her problems soon, but can’t bear to think about it right now.

After pulling her dress up and running a hand through her hair, the elevator stopped at the first floor and Lorelai got out. She walked outside in a daze. That had just happened. Christopher had just.. he had raped her. No pretty way to say it. She had been raped. By _Christopher_.

**Oh god,** she felt sick to her stomach. Lorelai put a hand to her mouth then winced. Her lip was still bleeding from where.. from where Christopher had bitten it. She was lucky to have gotten out when she did, she realized. Then a second thought sent a cold chill down her spine.

_ What if he came after her. What if he followed her down, and dragged her back to his apartment. What if he pinned her hands and got her out of the dress again. What if she couldn’t stop it this time. _

A thousand sickening What-Ifs spiraled around in her head, while the tears kept coming. In a haze, she got in her jeep and started driving. She was on autopilot. She only knew she was home when she parked the car and opened her front door. 

She checked her answering machine. Nothing. A small wave of relief washed over her. Nothing was about the ONLY thing she could handle right now.

Lorelai stumbled to the bathroom, and burst into tears when she saw her reflection. She was bruised and chafed, red imprints lined her wrists and neck. She looked broken. She  _ felt _ broken.

What had her life become.

When she had climbed the stairs to her bedroom, Lorelai peeled off the dress and kicked away the shoes, stuffing them both in some obscure corner, out of sight. She knew she could never wear them again. She could never even look at them again. 

She turned on the hot water and sat down in the shower. She hugged her knees and allowed the sobs to rip through her. Tears flowed indiscriminately with the shower head. 

After she had sat and cried so long the water had turned cold, Lorelai got up and scrubbed her skin until she was raw. She felt dirty. Unclean. Branded. Like she needed to get out of her own skin. Bruises were everywhere, and the force of the shower spray stung the worst of them.

_ Why had she gone to Christopher? Why hadn’t she left as soon as he started coming on to her? Why couldn’t she just hit ONE rock bottom in a night? _

Luke. Oh, god, Luke. She still didn’t know what to do about Luke.

It was over between them. But how could she move on? What if this pain in her chest never went away? And.. and what if.. what if he— no. Luke was _nothing_ like Christopher. He would never, NEVER, do something like this to her, even if he  _ was _ drunk.

Lorelai stepped out of the shower and delicately patted herself dry with a towel. She pulled on her Hello Kitty comfort pajamas and crawled into bed. She cried for a while. She cried more when she remembered the space next to her hadn’t always been empty.

She didn’t sleep. When the sunlight peeked over the horizon, filtering in through her curtains, Lorelai got up and walked downstairs. 

It was early. It was really early. Luke would be up by now. She hugged herself and bit her lip before wincing in pain. It was still raw and sore from.. last night. THE night. The worst night of her life, without question.

Wondering what she should eat, Lorelai quickly realized that her house had nothing. She had probably planned to go to Luke’s for breakfast. Suddenly, food had never seemed less appetizing.

Lorelai shook her head and a few tears leaked out. She couldn’t see people like this. She knew she couldn’t. So she picked up the phone and dialed Sookie.

She didn’t answer. Of course she didn’t. The sun was barely up.

So instead Lorelai left a decrepit-sounding message on her machine that would hopefully dispel any chance at a surprise visitor this morning. 

“Hey Sookie.. it’s Lorelai. I just wanted to let you know I won’t.., um, I won’t be coming into work today. You’ll probably hear this from someone else but…,” she took a shaky breath, steeling herself to say it out loud, “Luke and I are done. Over. And I need a day alone.”

That wouldn’t be enough. Sookie was such a good friend, she would probably come over anyway.

“And, uh, the universe seems to like the idea, because,” she chuckled humorlessly, “On top of that, I got this really really bad cold. Like, infectious, crappy-feeling, sneezing all the time cold.” She sniffed loudly for extra emphasis. 

“So I’m really sorry, and I promise I will take double shifts later this week. Take care, Sookie. Bye.”

After she put down the phone, she left a similar message to Rory. She didn’t want Rory to see her like this. She didn’t want  _ anyone  _ to see her like this.

_ Okay _ , she thought to herself, this is bad.  _ So what are you going to do about it? _

Lorelai knew she never, EVER, in her LIFE, wanted to see Christopher again. Eventually, she would have to tell Rory what had happened— she didn’t want her anywhere near that man, ever again. So how could she do that?

If Christopher was smart, he would skip town and never try to contact her again. Somehow she doubted it.  _ So, if he didn’t? _

Lorelai growled and clenched her fists. She would take him to court. Get him in jail. Make him pay for making her less than human. At the very least, she would file a restraining order. 

And for that, she needed evidence.

Grabbing a camera from some pile in the living room, Lorelai faced her mirrored reflection with a strikingly determined glare, daring it to say something. 

She looked like she had been through hell and back in her Hello Kitty pajamas.

She angled her head slightly, and took pictures of her neck from all sides. The bite mark on her ear was raw and swollen. The bruises made her look as if she had been in a fist fight. She took a few photos of her wrists, which were lined with ugly red bruises. Lorelai took off her PJ shirt, pulled on a bra, and took a quick picture of the red nail marks that had been dug into the soft skin of her breast. 

She knew there were other bruises, other marks, but right now, she was already shaking from the memories.

Lorelai didn’t want to eat, or even drink coffee. She just wanted to do nothing. To not exist. But she couldn’t do that, no matter how badly she hurt.

So she just went around the house, locking every door (including the back door lock that... had been fixed), and then collapsed on the couch, exhausted in every sense of the word. Water leaked gently from the corners of her eyes, but she was too tired to wipe it away.

As the flow of tears slowed to a trickle, Lorelai fell into a light, dreamless sleep, only momentarily escaping the life she no longer wanted.


	5. Morning Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke arrives at the house and is understandably shocked to find Lorelai In her current state. Short chapter, will continue right away, just wanted a stopping point.

Hours later, a knock on the door shocked Lorelai awake. Knock, knock, knock. She didn’t want to answer the door. She had to answer the door.

Slowly, Lorelai got up and wiped her face and glanced at the clock. 9:15. She had been asleep for over 3 hours. Why was she still bone tired? 

She trudged to the door and peeked out. She caught a glimpse of flannel.  _ NO. NOT NOW.  _

“Lorelai? Lorelai, I know you’re in there,” a familiar voice said from the other side.

Lorelai raced to the bathroom and skidded around the corner. He couldn’t see her like this. He would ask questions. He would give sympathy. Lorelai didn’t want that; she just wanted to forget.

She splashed some water in her face and scrubbed away the tear tracks. She pulled an oversized hoodie over her PJs, big enough so that the sleeves covered the redness of her wrists. Running her fingers through her hair, she brushed it forward, curling it around her neck in an attempt to hide the bruises.

“Lorelai, please answer the door. We need to talk.”

She took a deep breath, stood up straight, and opened the door. Luke stood on the other side, just as she imagined him. Tired eyes watched her with a swirl of emotions she didn’t have the energy to unravel.

He gaped at her, trying to understand why she looked the way she did. Even though Lorelai had done a good job in covering up most of the bruises, the skin around her mouth was still a wine-stain red, and dried blood covered her lip. Dark circles, born of sleep deprivation and mascara smears, lined her eyes.

“What?” She asked harshly, not trusting her voice to not crack if she used any other tone, “What do you want, Luke?”

He just stared at her for a second, his eyes the alight with the same bewildered pain as last night.  _ Last night.  _

At those two words, Lorelai’s stomach churned. She felt sick. 

“Lorelai.. I need to know that everything’s okay between us.”

She barked a hollow laugh. “Okay?” Lorelai asked, incredulous, “Between  _ us _ ? God, I know you’re slow to process things, but do I really need to spell it out for you?”

He stood, immobile before her, as she continued on her war path, letting out all the hurt and anger and frustration that had been pent up inside her since last night.

“There  _ IS _ NO US, LUKE. There’s you, and there’s me, and that’s it! It’s over! You finally got your wish— you never have to see me again!”

“Wait, hold on,” he said, getting angry now too, “That’s not- I don’t want that! I love you, Lorelai!”

“UGH, no you don’t!” She yelled, tears brimming in her eyes, “You just love the IDEA of me! And I’m sick of pretending I can live with that, live with only half you, because I can’t! I’m letting go of the bumper! There’s no going back!”

She started to turn away, to go back inside and never come out again, when Luke grabbed her wrist, saying, “Lorelai, wait!”

At the feel of his hand grabbing her wrist, she let out an involuntary scream and wrenched her hand away. He let her go, jumping away with a start.

“Jeez!” Luke said, shaken. Then he saw how she was looking at him, and his heart seized up in his chest. She was looking at him with  _ fear.  _ She was  _ afraid of him.  _ She was afraid of him as she nursed her wrist, wild eyed and shaking.

He took a step forward and she flinched back. Her hands closed around the door knob.

“Lorelai, I—” Before he could finish she darted inside and slammed the door behind her. Luke cursed under his breath and fished his key ring out of his pocket. 

Meanwhile, Lorelai fell onto the couch and curled up in a ball, her body shaking with quiet sobs. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t, she couldn’t, she couldn’t even try.

Lorelai heard the front door open and cursed herself for not locking it behind her. She tried and failed to get her breathing under control as she heard heavy footsteps walking to the living room. She felt a dip in the couch next to her. 

“Lorelai… what..” Luke struggled to piece together a thought as he laid a hand against her back, trying to quiet her muffled sobs.

She flinched away from him with a stifled gasp, raising her head just enough to look at him over her curled up knees. 

“Please,” she whimpered, “Please.. please don’t touch me. I— I can’t.. just, please don’t…”

Luke removed his hand from her back and folded them in his lap. He looked at her with a worried stare. Something was definitely wrong.

“Lorelai.. please talk to me,” he tried after a while, “What’s going on?”

“Last night..,” she began, but was cut off by another sob. After she regained control, she brushed the hair from her face and said, “Last night was.. eventful.” Her laugh was watery and hollow. It physically hurt Luke to see her like this.

“Listen, Lorelai, I’m— I’m sorry,” he stammered, confused and wary, “I don’t know what I—” He stopped when he saw her neck.

“What..,” Luke said, his voice strangled, “What happened?”

She sniffed and looked away, but in doing so, he caught a glimpse of the dark bruises along the side of her jawline, scarlet scratch marks decorating her neck. 

Reaching out a hand, Luke gently brushed her dark hair being her shoulder, revealing the rest of the damage. He sucked in a breath as fear started to close in around his heart.

“Did someone hurt you?” He asked, his voice dangerously calm.

All Lorelai could do was nod.


	6. There for Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke’s POV (still 3rd person) where he listens as Lorelai recounts what happened after the ultimatum. Angst.

“ **Who.** ”

“Luke, please, I—”

“ **Who did this.** ”

He was quivering with rage, his fists balled tightly on either side of him. Veins popped out on the backs of his hands. Lorelai wished he would stop. Just stop.

But she knew him, and she knew she needed to tell him what had happened, whether she liked it or not. Lorelai took a deep breath.  _ In, out.  _ She looked up at his face with tired eyes, still glistening with unshed tears.

“You won’t like the answer,” she whispered.

Luke’s eyes traced over her broken frame. A thought struck him. A dark, cold feeling swept through his sternum when he realized who she meant. 

“ **Christo—** ” he started to ask, but she cut him off with a heartbroken, “ _ yes _ .”

Luke saw red. His face darkened and he shook with fury, adrenaline coursing like molten lava through his veins. He was angrier than he had ever been in his life.

“Luke,” Lorelai tried, her voice wavering, “please don’t—”

“ **What did he do to you.** ” Luke’s voice was animalistic, barely restrained. Lorelai gulped and felt a twinge of fear. She didn’t like this. She didn’t like this at all.

“I- I don’t want to say,” she murmured, hugging herself with her arms.

“ **_What did he do to you,_ ** ” Luke said, even more forcefully. 

Lorelai started to pull herself together. She couldn’t break down right now, not again. She sat up straighter on the sofa and looked him right in the eye.

“I need you to calm down first,” Lorelai said calmly. 

Luke was about to respond with a shouted ‘NO I DON’T WANNA CALM DOWN,’ but he restrained himself. Lorelai didn’t need that right now. Hell, he didn’t know  _ what _ she needed, but he was fairly sure yelling at her wasn’t it. He nodded, swallowed his rage, and folded his arms across his chest before rethinking that, and bracing his elbows against his thighs like he was sitting on a park bench. 

“Tell me  _ everything _ ,” He managed to say in an almost relaxed tone. The clenching of his fists gave him away. Lorelai ignored it.

She took another deep breath (she seemed to be needing a lot of those recently), and started from the beginning.

“After, um, the ultimatum, last night, I was crushed. I could barely get home without bursting into tears.”

Her hands gripped the fabric of her sweatshirt, balling up the soft material into her fists. 

“I needed to talk to someone. Someone who would understand. Someone,” she choked out, tears once again brimming in her eyes, “who was as screwed up as I was. So I went to him.

I went to him and he let me in. We talked, and— and drank, and I told him what happened. He had too much. He.. he got drunk. He got stupid. He told me that he understood how hurt I was, that you were an idiot for letting me go, and that he would never do anything like that to me.”

Luke felt like he was free-falling. The woman he loved more than anything in the world was sitting here, crying, broken beyond repair, telling him about another man who had hurt her worse than anyone, yet Luke still felt like the bad guy. 

He had pushed her to do this. He didn’t understand why or how, but he knew, with absolute certainty, that somehow this was all his fault. He forced himself to keep it together long enough for Lorelai to finish her story. She was crying again, and watching her cry and not being able to make it better felt like the seventh circle of Hell.

“Chris.. tried to kiss me.” Luke’s blood ran cold. Lorelai kept talking, her hands hugging around her stomach like she was going to be sick.

“Of course, I pushed him away. He kept trying, and I started to get scared. I tried to run out of there, but he wouldn’t let me. He.. he yelled at me, saying that it was my fault, that I wanted this just as much as he did, and didn’t.. he didn’t listen when I screamed at him to stop.”

The tears were falling in earnest now, dripping off her cheeks and running down her discolored neck. 

“He wouldn’t stop. Chris— he pinned me against the door. He grabbed my wrists and.. and pulled me against him. I kept screaming, but he wouldn’t stop, he didn’t stop. He grabbed me and he pinned my hands and covered my mouth and pulled off my dress he.. he…”

A sob broke through Lorelai’s calm exterior, and she crumpled into her hands, shaking from the memory. 

“ _ I can’t, I can’t do this _ ,” she sobbed. Luke felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He couldn’t wrap his mind around what had happened. 

“He.. he  _ fucked _ you?” Luke whispered, his words falling flat on the empty air.

“ **No.** No, I was lucky,” Lorelai said, gasping through the tears, “He was pulling off his pants, and— and I kicked him as hard as I could and.. and ran away. He didn’t follow me.”

Luke wanted to let a breath of relief out, but his throat had closed up. His jaw tightened when he imagined last night. Imagined her helpless and screaming, imagined him all over her.. 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Luke said, with murderous certainty.

“No, you’re not,” she said, covering her face, “I just— I don’t want to think about it anymore. I don’t want to. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.”

Luke felt torn. He had the impulse to drive to Christopher’s place and tear him apart, punch him until he couldn’t stand straight, and then throw him out of a window for good measure. But Lorelai needed him. Something horrific had happened to her, and she needed him to be there. 

Gently, Luke reached a hand over to her, palm facing up. She stiffened, and looked over at him, tear tracks shining like the tails of liquid comets on the galaxy of her face. 

After a brief hesitation, Lorelai placed her hand in his. Luke tried not to lose his cool when he noticed the red bruises along her wrist. He held her hand carefully, delicately, letting her know without a word that he was there for her. That he loved her. That he would never leave. That he would  _ never _ hurt her. 

Little did he know that small gesture hurt Lorelai more than he would ever know.


	7. I am Damaged, but your Love’s too Good to Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Lorelai finally reconcile, the way it was supposed to happen. Little longer than usual, but they have a lot of issues to hash out. Happy endings always make me cry 🥺

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is based on lyrics from “Seventeen” a song in the Heathers musical. I realized that Lorelai hadn’t made a single pop culture reference, so I decided to make one for her. Never mind the rest of the musical with the murder and suicide and stuff, I just thought this song was sweet lol :)

Lorelai held Luke’s hand in her own, and sat perfectly still. It felt so good to touch him again, but she knew something was wrong from the pit in her stomach. 

_ Why did he have to be so good to her right now? It would have been easier if he yelled at her, called her a stupid whore and a liar.  _ Then maybe she would have been able to move her hand away from his, tell him to get out of her house, because it hurt so much to look at him.

She held back the tears that threatened to push forward and spill down her cheeks. She had already cried too much. I guess this was her body’s way of saying she was broken; giving her a leak in both eyes. Gross.

“I know I should probably be quiet right now..” Lorelai whipped her head up and looked at Luke. His blue eyes stared unflinchingly into her own. “But Lorelai, I gotta know what’s going through your head right now.”

“I just… you— you shouldn’t have to do this. It’s over between us. You shouldn’t have to be here.”

She breathed in shakily, and found the strength to remove her hand from his grip. He didn’t try to stop her, though the hurt look on his face almost did. But she pressed on, pouring her heartache out into every stumbling syllable.

“You don’t want to marry me. And that’s okay. I get it. I wouldn’t want to marry me either.” She chuckled, but it sounded like a sob. “It’s honestly worse if you keep pretending. If you keep telling me we’re going to get married, that you love me, that you  _ ever _ loved me.. I just.. I want to move on. I want to feel human again. God, I can’t even look at you without hurting anymore.”

“I— I didn’t know,” Luke stammered, his eyes wide at her accusations.

She smiled bitterly. “And that’s another thing. You didn’t know. This has been going on for months, Luke. Ever since the wedding was postponed. Ever since you lied to me for months and shut me out of your life completely after that. You thought everything was fine. You used to be able to tell whenever I was even slightly upset! Now you can’t distinguish between a fake smile and a genuine one. I haven’t smiled genuinely around you for  _ months,  _ Luke.”

The look on Luke’s face was heartbreaking, like he was watching everything he cared about go up in flames, but Lorelai barely felt it. Her heart was already broken. Her tired heart was beyond repair. 

“I kept waiting for things to get better, Luke. They just.. they never did! You never even let me meet your daughter! I’ve barely seen you for weeks! I trusted you with my heart, Luke. And I never thought you could let me down.  _ But here we are _ .”

Luke didn’t say anything. He just stared blankly, and Lorelai thought she saw tears in his eyes. He smiled without feeling, and ran a hand over his face, chuckling humorlessly. “God, I really fucked things up good, didn’t I?”

Lorelai didn’t answer. She sat perfectly still and waited for him to leave. Watching him there, watching the moment when he realized it was over, was more than she could take right now. She looked away.

“Lorelai.. I… know I have no right to speak right now, not after what I did. What I put you through. But… I need to get this out, okay?”

She didn’t want to, but she nodded and motioned for him to go ahead. He breathed in deeply, and kept his gaze on the floor in front of him.

“I never meant to cause you any kind of pain, Lorelai. I would never do that. I.. I didn’t know this was that big of an issue.” He winced at his own words, then modified them.

“No, I mean, uh, I knew it was a big issue, but I just.. didn’t realize it had gotten so bad, is what I’m saying. I thought we were okay. I thought we were on track.”

Luke scratched the back of his head and adjusted his baseball cap. “I guess.. I have been kind of pulling away. I don’t— I don’t even know why. The best answer, I think.. is… I took you for granted. I thought, this is Lorelai, the love of my life, who will always be there and always stay the same. Which was stupid. I’m.. stupid. People don’t stay the same. I just.. I guess, things were good, and I wanted to keep them that way.”

“Things would have been good if we were married,” Lorelai mumbled weakly, hating herself again. 

_ How had she thought that Luke was anything but kind and sweet and always there for her?  _ No wait, she remembered. It didn’t change the self-hate thing though. If anything, it amplified it.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” Luke said, catching her mumbling and looking her square in the face. “I’m sorry for what I put you through. I swear, on my life, that I will never, NEVER, take you for granted again.”

“Swear on your dad’s dancing pork chop bobble head,” Lorelai muttered into her knees, a smile peeking through the cascading curtains of hair. 

He grinned. “I swear,” he said dryly.

Lorelai looked up at him and smiled genuinely, her eyes crinkling around the edges. Maybe.. maybe things would be okay after all. Maybe they weren’t beyond repair. Maybe...

She unfurled her legs and crawled over to him on the couch, snuggling up on his lap. Not in a sexy,  _ ooh~ I’m on your laaAAap  _ kind of way, but in a comforting way.

“Are you.. are you sure?” Luke asked hesitantly, his hands hovering above her. 

“I’m sure,” she breathed into his flannel shirt as his arms wrapped around her. God, she had missed this. Just being held. Being safe. “I love you.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and looked at her reverenty. “I love you, too,” he whispered, touching his forehead to her own. 

For a while, they just held each other. Lorelai forgot about the bruises, forgot about the heartbreak, the pain, the trauma.. and just allowed herself to feel good again. After a few minutes, Luke broke the silence.

“Um.. Lorelai… April is coming to the diner later..,” Immediately Lorelai stiffened in his arms, terrified that all their progress was for nothing, AGAIN, before he finished with, “and I was thinkin’ maybe you could swing by for lunch. Just the three of us.”

He looked at her cautiously, waiting for her reaction with the expression of someone who  _ knows  _ he’s walking on thin ice. Luke needn’t have worried.

Lorelai’s face broke into a huge grin and she kissed him. “I would love that,” she said, still grinning. Luke kissed her again, smiling against her lips.

They stayed like that, kissing and cuddling, just basking in each other’s love and company. Lorelai giggled, feeling lighter than she had in weeks. 

“You know, babe,” she said, “we really have some SERIOUS communication issues.”

He grunted. “Amen to that.”

“Maybe,” Lorelai pondered, toying with a loose button on his shirt, “we could try, um.. couples therapy? So we have to talk?”

Luke looked a bit taken aback, and Lorelai was worried he would say no or get mad at her, but instead he just nodded sagely. 

“I think you’re right,” he answered, “I might not like the.. concept of therapy, but I don’t think I could survive in a world without you, Lorelai. You’re everything to me.”

Her heart swelled and she buried her face in Luke’s shoulder to conceal the tears of pure happiness that were springing to her eyes. She had cried enough for one day. Then he said something that made the tears well up faster than she could stop them.

“June 3rd is the week after next isn’t it? Seems like.. seems like a good day to get married, dontcha think? Put that chuppah to good use?” Lorelai could just nod, the tears and love she felt for this man taking her breath away.

“Thank you, Luke,” she whispered, a smile breaking through the tears, “thank you thank you thank you..”

“I love you,” he said, kissing her over and over again, his lips soft and tender against her own, “I love you I love you I love you. Don’t you  _ ever _ doubt that again.”

“I won’t,” Lorelai laughed through the tears and the kisses. And, as she said it, she knew it was true. 

The hollow feeling inside her, the one she had been carrying around for months, was gone. Instead of feeling, hollow Lorelai’s heart was welling up with love for Luke Danes, because he loved her, and would always love her. Lorelai Gilmore was finally happy. 

_ She was finally whole again. _


End file.
